靜語錄 Scenery of Life

Soon it will be 5 months since I started my current job. This is the first job I’ve done which does not give me a feeling of torture or disgust. Good news, I think.

As large part of my job, I need to drive around South Taiwan. Pretty much I could call my company Toyota van my 2ND office because I spend most of my time with her. Sometimes I even have to stay with her for 12 hours. For some, it could be nothing for fun, but for this job, I have to say, it is a bit over the top now and then.

Anyhow, I've learned to have fun with my job. I can drive around to find the goodies. The biggest benefit is that I can go to different places for the local tasty snacks. So far Andrew, Ya Hsing, and most of my colleagues have tasted this benefit.

This morning I woke up with an intensive feeling that I want to make this man lying next to me to feel he's got somewhere in this world called home. I know we do not have our own house yet but that does not mean that we cannot make a home together now.

Human beings have a clock which can basically tell us when to eat, when to take a bus, when to go to work, when to go to sleep...etc.. But when can we have a special clock that can tell us when to finish a relationship? A clock that would give out a warning before we get hurt-- either by our partner or even the earth itself, such as an earthquake?

I heard so-and-so told me one of his insurance companies wouldn't pay out and I guess this sort of shit is not new to any of us, is it? I'm thinking. if having insurance cannot really ensure us of anything, WHO can? After all, we pay for the god-damn insurance with our bloody sweat money. It seems that our money can not guarantee our own life/future. So money doesn't play the role "i can save your ass anytime" then. Sad, so many people assume Mr. All You Can Do can do it all, and they would risk their lives to get as much money as they can...it turned out money is still money, money is just the figures we most see in black-and-white in bank account book. Those numbers don't protect us the higher they are, give us more happiness we have, nor keep us healthier. But what are you gonna do? We are still doing exactly the same thing like the rest of the people in the world aredoing---running after fortune, until the day we all die. Be buried with our own bloody money. And they are really bloody, too bad we can not see it ourselves. WHY? WE ARE FUCKING DEAD!! THAT'S WHY!!!

I think that God is the real director and we creatures are all his cast. e've got a really dramatic film going on here, day after night. He has seen the same story repeating itself for God knows how many years. He may have tried different ways to show "truth" to his cast, like the ending and everything we all should be aware of. But all his cast, say most of us, are just big dickheads, we refuse to listen. So now the director has maybe decided to take back his story and rewrite it. How would he finish this story?

This guy has had this huge crash over this naive girl for years. She always knows he's there for her, but she chooses someone she thought is "better". He dreams about being rich someday so he could offer her anything she desires, yet he might not know someday his wealth could bring him invisible troubles--troubles make him suffer for being too wealthy.

He told me one day, "True love needed to be assured before anyone becomes rich, NOT after!!"

"So tell me boy, why are so many wealthy people have the choice of the "good girls"?"

Isn't that amazing when you see a photo from someones childhood, crying faces, innocent smiles. And, when you look at this child whose now turned into adult, all that thoughts they have, the shit they went through. It's just thrilling to see how time can change a person--physically and mentally. It's just not funny.

There's a trash collecting time that comes twice a day in our neighborhood. Once in the early afternoon, the other a late one of course. So, I have been thinking, we human beings can clean our domestic trash with the trash collector, but how do we clean up the trash which is within ourself for such a long time? I often look into my mental unwanted belongings, seeing them sitting there for decades, now soon going to be the 3rd one. They are still there reminding me of whatever I have done in my life. So many things I would love to let go if 110%. Yet, it seems to be a never ending and an impossible thing to accomplish. I've seen a film called "Eraser", I wish sometimes I could have an eraser to erase those things I want to forget. But it is just never really going to happen in my life time dream.

Somehow those sneeky businessmen in Japan just figured out another way to boost up their business....another Valentine's day. They thought it would be cool to have another V-day....not to me though. However, Andrew andI still went celebrate it a wee bit and had Itailain food for lunchk. The funny thing is that this time I paid for the lunch!!! Oh well, and only realized that I forgot to bring my purse just at the cashiers. Shame on me, yet so typical.

It just hit me that it might be quite cool for the government to issue a "No Bra Holiday"-and of course, on that day all the women would be free from wearing bras!! I just to hope some of them wouldn't come out of their homes wearing transparent or easy-see-through tops!!! OH MY GOD... Men's heaven day!!!

So...it's a brand new leaf for me. Staying in the hospital for 5 days was not a thing you or me can joke about. 'Cause it ain't funny at all!! As soon I was forced to stay, I immediately realized that actually, Health itself IS THE FORTUNE we already have. There's nothing more valuable than staying health. Poeple may have all that money and material life they dream about, but once their life is over, it's game O-V-E-R!! Things go back to the very start--nothing we can possilbly bring with us to our death we can take away along with our spirits. SO.... This morning I got up to a very joyful mood and felt like I could do anything and for the first time from a very long time, it felt great to know I am actually breathing. Maybe it had something to do with that I went to the gym yesterday and I have been away from depressive work and all that unnecessary stress for nearly 2 weeks. The break really helped!! And of course, my awesome love life.